Challenge Entry 3: A Night at the Comiket
by Zokusho
Summary: Konata barges into her friend's home with big news. A challenge entry for MLSF challenge no. 3. Rated T for smuttiness and some violence.


**Fan Fiction Challenge 3: A Night at the Comiket**

This is a story written for the 3rd challenge on Mostly Lucky Star Forum. The subject this time is: "_Konata, Patty, and Hiyori sneak into Comiket the night before it opens."_

This is a crack fic of sorts, as usual. Just a bit of lemon zest. And … panties. Rated T for smuttiness and some violence.

* * *

It was late evening, before the last day of the year.

The door burst open with a loud bang as Konata barged in without knocking, stumbled onto the tatami of Patricia's apartment, and gasped out something.

Startled, Patricia let out a little scream, pushed Hiyori away, and pulled her skirt down quickly.

Konata was dressed in a full "Santa's little helper" attire, that is, a very skimpy red skirt, a red vest, and a pointed red hat, with fluffy white fur linings and sleigh bells, fishnet stockings, and red pumps on her feet.

Both were so distracted by her sudden appearance and her attire, that they thought having misheard her. "I-Izumi-senpai! Did you say Kagami has been kidnapped?" Hiyori asked.

Konata took a deep breath. "Yes! They just came in and took her!"

Somehow, she didn't seem upset enough. Sure, she was shocked, but not shocked in a _"My Kagamin is about to be brutally murdered!"_ way.

"Who are they? What happened?", Hiyori asked, thankful that Konata had not noticed what she had been doing.

Patricia's blush had quickly faded and she slumped down onto the floor. "No … how is that possible? I didn't know Hiiragi-senpai's family was that rich? What did the police say?"

Konata clambered up and sat down. "I don't think they did it for the money. We didn't call the police…"

"What? … Izumi-senpai, why don't you rest for a while? I make you a cup of tea and then you can tell us all about it, starting from the beginning," Hiyori said.

"Okay … why are you cosplaying, Patty-chan? And what were you two doing just now?" Konata asked.

Hiyori turned beet red again. "Nothing! I asked Patricia to dress into her Mikuru outfit and model for me. I-I'll go and fix that tea!"

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Konata took a sip of the tea, and cleared her throat. "You guys know I tricked Kagami to take a part-time job with me at the café for Christmas season?"

"Yeah, you mailed me about it. I haven't seen any pictures yet, though," Hiyori said.

"Don't worry, I've got plenty! Kagami was super cute in the Rudolph outfit!"

Patricia giggled, while Hiyori looked puzzled. "Rudolph?" she said, with about as thick Japanese accent as Konata.

"Yeah. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed … um, deer?" Konata asked.

"Reindeer," Patricia corrected.

"Well, anyway, I was trying to bridle her today –"

Hiyori almost inhaled her tea. "Bridle? Bit and bridle? Saddle! Riding crop!" Frantically, she started to look for her sketchbook and a pencil.

"You see, we didn't even get the bridle until today. Kagami was resisting the bit. She said she didn't want that thing in her mouth, and she also claimed that reindeer aren't bridled in the first place. So, here I was, chasing her around the room, when a group of cosplayers burst in all of a sudden." Konata stopped and took another sip of tea.

"Cosplayers?" Hiyori asked, with her pencil at the ready.

"Yeah. I think there were two boys as Narutos, and three girls. Let me see … one Chobit, one Asuka –"

"In a plugsuit?" Hiyori gasped.

"No, in a skirt. And, one Yoko Littner. She was nice, but too flat for the role, if you know what I mean –"

"Oh yes, we do!" Patricia affirmed.

"Yoko Littner!" Hiyori gasped, and took out a tissue, in case her mere imagination would be enough to start another nosebleed.

"Guys, don't interrupt all the time!" Konata complained.

"Sorry. Go on."

"They surrounded Kagami and dragged her away. It was so absurd! I thought it was just a prank or something, so I sat on the floor laughing. They took her out of the door. After a minute, I realized they weren't coming back, so I followed, only to see a large black car pulling off, Kagami inside. But … I still don't think this was a real kidnapping after all. It was … umm …" Konata scratched her head. "…Frankly, I have no idea what it was."

Patricia couldn't help it at this point – she doubled over and burst into huge guffaws.

"Patty-chan! This isn't a laughing matter! Kagami-senpai has been kidnapped…" Hiyori gasped. She was barely able to hold down her laughter, however. "…by cosplayers!"

"Well, I can't help it! The kidnappers were cosplayers!" Konata exclaimed.

"We do believe you, this is just all so … strange," Patricia said.

They sat in silence for a while, thinking about the situation.

"So, Hiyori … what were you doing under Patty's … Mikuru's skirt?" Konata finally asked.

Hiyori groaned. Things like that wouldn't go unnoticed by someone like Konata. "It was nothing! Yes, I know what it must have looked like! But the fact is –"

Hiyori stopped as someone's cell phone made a sound.

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"Our boss wants to have a word with you," had been about the only explanation the cosplayers had given to Kagami. That was thing they were very adamant about: taking her to meet this "boss".

At first, she thought it had been some elaborated prank arranged by Konata, and by the time she realized it wasn't, the car – driven by one of the Narutos – had taken her a long way away from the café.

Since they treated her well – they didn't tie her up, didn't hit her, didn't put a blindfold on her or anything, and they assured she was in no danger whatsoever … and, frankly, sitting in this car wasn't any worse than the part-time job, she had decided not to resist. For now.

"How far are you taking me? Where is this boss of yours?" Kagami asked once more, but she knew they wouldn't answer. She snorted at them, yawned, and closed her eyes.

The Yoko Littner and the Chobit sitting on either side of her looked at each other. Both looked relieved because she wasn't fighting back – this girl was _scary_.

The car rocked as it took a sharp turn.

Kagami opened her eyes slightly. They had arrived at some very large building, which she recognized.

"Yech, Comiket. Is it tomorrow? I hate this place."

The second Naruto and the Asuka sharing the front seat looked back, puzzled.

"What? That's not possible!" Asuka gasped.

"She's just bluffing," the second Naruto said.

"You people are weird," Kagami muttered.

They got out of the car. Kagami was surrounded by the cosplayers – obviously they didn't want her to run away. Kagami glared at them with disfavor, which made them keep their distance.

"T-this way, please," the Chobit said, and pointed at the door.

They walked along a long hallway and into an office. Behind a table was a black-haired man wearing a red cap and a long green jacket. He stared at Kagami and his jaw fell open.

"So? What are you staring at? Cat got your tongue? Why was I brought here?" Kagami sighed.

"It isn't her, you morons!" the man screamed. "That's her best friend!"

The cosplayers gasped and looked at each other. "B-but …" one of the Narutos stuttered.

"Fine. So I'm not her, whoever she is. And who – no, I don't even care! Will you please take me back now?" Kagami asked.

The man slumped down onto his chair, groaned and banged his head onto the desk. After a long silence, he raised his head again. "No. I must ask you to stay here."

"Why?" Kagami asked, although she wasn't the least bit curious.

"… I'll pay you! Five thousand yen," the man said.

"Seven thousand," Kagami corrected.

"… okay," the man sighed. "You don't have to do anything, just wait over there," he added, and pointed at the doors at the other end of the office. "Morons, you stay here!" he hissed, before the cosplayers had a chance to escape.

After Kagami had gone, the man took out his cell phone.

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"Oh. I got an e-mail," Konata said, fished out her phone from inside her outfit – Hiyori and Patricia wondered where exactly she had kept it.

"It's a ransom note!" Konata gasped. _"Legendary Girl A. If you wish to see your friend again, come to Tokyo Big Sight. Come alone. Keep the police out of this. Western Entrance, at midnight tonight."_

"Tokyo Big Sight? They have taken my Kagamin to Comiket!" Konata yelled.

"Why? What do they want?" Hiyori and Patricia asked.

Konata scratched her head. "I have no idea. And who's Legendary Girl A?"

"I think it's … you," Hiyori said. "I have heard rumors about it. They say that whatever circle you buy from, it becomes popular. And that people call you Legendary Girl A."

"If that's so, then … it's Legendary Girl A, Combat Waitress P, and Nosebleed Girl H to the rescue!" Konata exclaimed, and raised a fist to the air. "Let's go!"

Hiyori frowned. "Nosebleed Girl H?" She brushed her nose and realized that she was indeed bleeding a bit, again.

"What, us three? And they said, come alone … shouldn't we call the police, senpai?" Patricia pleaded.

"I don't think they would take us seriously. If there were such thing as a cosplay police – !" Konata stopped talking.

Patricia and Konata both gasped, looked at each other, and then turned to look at Hiyori, grinning.

"What? What now?" Hiyori said. A virtual drop of sweat appeared on her brow. "Oh no …" she sighed, when she remembered another outfit Patricia had in her closet.

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"This is so embarrassing! Why do I have to?" Hiyori groaned.

Patricia and Kagami had forced her to wear a police outfit – of a kind. This one had a blue miniskirt, blue shirt, dark blue tie, a police cap, a pair of handcuffs, and a pink nightstick.

"Isn't Magical Girl Police Hiyorin better than Nosebleed Girl H?" Konata asked. She handed a pink plastic nightstick to Hiyori, who absent-mindedly received it.

"It is! But this is just too silly!" Hiyori exclaimed, and tried to yank the hem of the skirt down, to cover just a bit more of her absolute territory. She noticed that both Patricia and Konata looked too interested in her thighs.

Hiyori flinched at a sudden flash of light from Konata's cell phone. She had just taken a photograph of her. "No! Don't show that picture to anyone!" she pleaded.

"But you look great! And, Hiyori, if we are chasing cosplay villains, we have to cosplay heroines, and you didn't have an outfit!" Konata explained.

"I … can see your point … if we were living in a manga, that is!" Hiyori groaned.

"Aren't we?" Patricia asked.

Hiyori didn't answer, because, that was true for all three of them, in a way.

"I mostly like just to watch …" she sighed.

"Oo, kinky!" Konata noted.

"Cosplay, I meant cosplay!" Hiyori groaned.

"Sure you did. I've noticed how you look at my little cousin and Minami-chan –"

They continued their friendly argument on the way to the train station. Hiyori was thankful that it was so late and that it was the holidays – there weren't many people around to see her in this outfit. On the other hand, anyone who saw them was bound to stare at them.

Most of the people on the train only glanced at them. Someone sighed, "They start earlier each time," obviously referring to the premature abundance of cosplayers on trains at the time of Comiket.

After they had found seats for themselves, Hiyori said, "Anyway, Comiket starts tomorrow … so there shouldn't even be anyone at the Big Sight tonight?"

"It's part of their evil plot!" Konata exclaimed.

"What is their evil plot?" Patricia asked.

"I have no idea," Konata admitted. "Do you guys have any idea what is going on?"

"Uh, well … since you are Legendary Girl A …" Hiyori muttered. "… maybe they want you to buy their doujins?"

"No! I have a clear plan of the circles I'm going to buy from! I can't just go there to buy some random doujins," Konata exclaimed, and waved her Comiket map in the air.

Patricia looked around, to make sure nobody was listening. "The kidnappers told you to come alone? So what will happen if they see us?"

"I have a cunning plan!" Konata announced.

"Okay … what's the plan?"

"We are going to sneak into the building and surprise the culprits from behind. And rescue Kagamin!"

"W-what if they have guns?" Hiyori gasped. "We're going to get killed!"

"They only had cosplay weapons. You know, made out of plastic, cardboard, foam, and tape."

"You said two of them were Narutos?" Patricia asked. "I hope they aren't trained ninjas!"

"I don't think so. They were just some pencil-necked geeks. Otaku, you know."

"We three are otaku!" Hiyori reminded Konata.

"But we are tough. Patty-chan here is from the violent streets of America –"

Patricia smiled uncertainly. For now, she decided to act tough and not explain the not-so-harsh truth.

"– and I got the martial arts experience," Konata explained. Then, she took a long look at Hiyori.

"… well …"

"Yes, I know. I'm not very athletic," Hiyori muttered.

"You just look cute and let us handle 'em. Or you could distract them … hmm … by flashing your panties?"

Now, both Patricia and Konata looked quite distracted already – they were staring at her hips. Quickly, Hiyori drew her legs together and pulled the miniskirt down. "Konata-senpai!" she groaned.

"I didn't see them," Konata complained.

"Me neither. What color are they?"

"Patty-chan!"

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Tokyo Big Show wasn't near; it took them almost an hour to get there.

Konata was dozing off, while Patricia and Hiyori marveled at her ability to sleep at a time like this.

"I don't think she fully comprehends the situation," Hiyori said quietly. "Kidnapping is a serious business."

"Yeah, I know. In my country, it often leads to …" Patricia stopped. "No. Let's try not to think about it. Let's talk about something else … such as … umm … my panties!"

"Oh no, panties again?" Hiyori groaned.

"Come on. Why did you want to see my panties? For real."

"I told you why, it's because –"

"Nonsense! I don't buy it," Patricia interrupted. "Tell me why. Honestly. You know the reason _I_ want to see your panties, so –"

Konata's eyes blinked open. "Whoa, did someone mention panties?"

"How can you sleep like that … and how can you wake up like that?" Patricia groaned.

"Next stop is ours!" Hiyori exclaimed. It was true, but they still had a couple of minutes to go. She just wanted them to stop going on about panties. For now, it worked.

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"No, no! We won't be going to the Western Entrance," Konata said, and grabbed their arms.

"Why not?"

"They are expecting us to do that! In these stories, the heroes always sneak in and make a surprise attack … except, first they get captured by the villains, and … hm, never mind. I'd like to skip that part!" Konata explained.

"In these stories …" Hiyori muttered, then a virtual lamp lit above her head. "Ah! A kidnapping story. Kagami gets kidnapped, puts her genius to good use, resists futilely … and gets killed.

Konata turned pale. "Never! Not my Kagamin! She can't be killed!"

"Sorry! I didn't mean that! That was a bad kidnapping story! There's another one where … umm, her father comes to the rescue!" Hiyori quickly explained.

Konata looked thoughtful. "Hm. A Shinto priest? He must have superpowers! Like … hm, detect evil?"

"It wouldn't take a superpower to realize kidnappers are evil –" Patricia said.

"Oh, right."

"– so maybe he can … expel demons?"

"Well, that isn't much useful either," Konata noted.

"He will blind them with the brightness of his aura of purity?" Patricia suggested.

"I don't think Kagami's father is _that_ pure. His wife is so hot," Konata noted.

"That was some logic …" Hiyori sighed. "…though I like it."

"Hmm … where were we?" Konata asked, scratching her head.

"I think we were … supposed to sneak in unnoticed?" Patricia said. "You Japanese tend to leave places unlocked sometimes. I bet that hatch is unlocked."

She was pointing at a grating which was blowing hot air at them.

Konata slapped her forehead. "Ah! Air ducts! Of course!"

"Yeah, in all secret agent stories they use the air ducts," Hiyori muttered. "But, I don't think it is convenient in real life. Maybe we shouldn't …"

Hiyori sighed, because Patricia and Konata had already lifted the grating off of the opening and Konata was crawling in.

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Hiyori had been right. The musty air blowing through the tube made their eyes water, and they were making a terrible noise while crawling through the metal ducts.

"A-achoo!" Hiyori sneezed violently yet again. Not because of someone thinking of her. "Guys, can we please get out of here?" she groaned.

"Izumi-senpai, why didn't we put Hiyori in first?" Patricia asked.

Hiyori muttered something the others couldn't quite hear. _"Someone was indeed thinking of me … or of my panties …"_

Konata coughed a couple of times, and noted, "Well, we wouldn't have seen much anyway, because it's so dark in here."

Patricia chuckled, and poked Konata's behind with her finger. "Well, I do like your panties. Red and white stripes, like, mm, a candy cane?"

Behind them, Hiyori banged her head onto the roof of the duct.

"What else I'd wear for Christmas?" Konata said. "Anyway, there's a hatch dead ahead."

Konata kicked at the grating. It fell onto the floor, making a crash that seemed to echo through the entire Big Sight.

Quickly, they clambered out. There wasn't anybody else in the hallway.

"By now, even the deaf must have heard us," Patricia groaned. "Why isn't this like in the movies?"

Hiyori had taken her glasses off and was wiping her eyes. "Americans and their movies …"

"Hey!" Konata whispered. "We've got to be ready to run if someone comes."

"But I'm wearing high heels. You made me to!" Hiyori protested.

"So take them off!"

"I-I can't bend down in this outfit. The shirt is too tight around my chest!" Hiyori complained.

"So take it off as well?"

"Patty-chan!"

"Guys, someone _is_ coming. Quickly, this way!" Konata hissed, grabbed Hiyori's arm, and started to run, dragging her along.

"No, not there! …" Hiyori gasped, as Patricia, she, and Konata barged through the nearest door.

Konata pushed her palm on Hiyori's mouth. "Ssh!"

They heard a door open, then, footsteps, which stopped for a while. Probably the person was looking at the fallen grating. Then the footsteps went on, passing the door, and finally there was the sound of another door closing.

Hiyori's face was turning blue. As soon as they thought the person had gone, they barged out of the place as quickly as they had gone in.

"Pwaaah! Yech! Eww! The stench!" Hiyori gasped. "I tried to tell you it was the men's toilet!"

Konata shrugged. "I'm probably immune. My dad never closes the toilet door."

The others frowned at the mental image. "Too much information!" Hiyori groaned.

"Anyway, we'd better get going. Whoever that was, he might come back soon," Konata said.

"Do you know which way we should go?" Patricia asked.

Konata looked at her map and scratched her head. "Sure … or I would know, if we were here to buy doujins. I don't have the faintest idea where the kidnappers are."

"Maybe whoever passed us was one of them. Let's follow him. Or her," Hiyori suggested.

Carefully, they peeked through the door, and sneaked into the next hallway.

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Kagami sighed and looked at the clock again. Almost midnight already. Her purse – and her cell phone – had been left at the Cosplay Café. At least her family wouldn't be worried since she was supposed to have a sleepover at Konata's house.

Her stomach growled, reminding her that she had to skip dinner. Konata had promised to cook something delicious for her tonight. _They_ had only given her a couple of bland sandwiches and a can of lemonade.

"Where is Konata, anyway? Why didn't she come along with all these other cosplay idiots?" she muttered, and paced back and forth. "And what am I doing here? _He_ didn't explain it…"

Kagami was aware that she herself was probably looking like an idiot now. In a skimpy reindeer costume, complete with red nose, horns and a short tail. She had taken off the red nose already, but kept the horns on. The sleigh bell on her collar tinkled as she walked.

This hall had a section with a large decorated Christmas tree and mock presents piled at the root of it. At least this set made her costume to look slightly less ridiculous.

Kagami heard a commotion in the office. Since she was getting really bored by now, and seriously annoyed with the "cosplay idiots" in general, she sneaked closer and listened.

"Now explain how could you possibly mistake her to Legendary Girl A! I told you she's really short and has impossibly long blue hair!" the man in green jacket yelled – by now Kagami had already learned that his name was Meito Anizawa.

"But this … reindeer had long blue hair!" one of the Narutos complained.

"Lilac! Her hair is lilac! Not blue!" Anizawa groaned. "And she doesn't have a mole on her cheek! How could you forget that?"

They flinched as Kagami pushed the door open.

"Who's Legendary Girl A? Short, and impossibly long blue hair? A mole? … so it must be Kona– … bah, who cares! I still don't! Can I please just go home now?" Kagami asked.

"No! I've contacted Legendary Girl A by e-mail. She will come here to rescue you soon!"

"Rescue? … bah, can I just take this costume off … wait, no, I can't! I don't have anything else to wear!" Kagami groaned. "And you're not paying me enough if I have to stay here all night!"

"Fine, fine. I'll double your compensation," Anizawa said.

Kagami glared at them, and finally sighed, "Fine. Fourteen thousand. I want the payment in advance."

Anizawa fished his wallet out and handed Kagami a wad of bills. She counted them carefully, and stuffed them inside her costume. Then, she turned around and walked away. She wasn't exactly in the mood of socializing with these weirdos.

"You paid her more than you pay us in a week!" the Chobit complained.

Anizawa didn't listen. He was checking the screens again.

"What! How did they get inside?" he gasped. "They were supposed to come to the western doors at midnight!"

One of the cameras showed three persons advancing through one of the corridors. The first one, in Santa outfit, was remarkably short, and had a really long hair. "Legendary Girl A! But she has others with her … a policewoman?"

"No, that's Magical Girl Police. Cosplay," the Yoko Littner explained.

"Go there, get rid of the two extras, and bring Legendary Girl A to me!" Anizawa commanded.

"What? How are we supposed to do that?" the Asuka asked.

"Capture and tie them up or something, I don't know! I must stay here and keep an eye of things … and to the reindeer, I mean, that Hiiragi girl," Anizawa yelled. "Go!"

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Konata, Patricia, and Hiyori had arrived into a large hall – one which would be filled with tables tomorrow. They flinched as someone turned all the lights on.

"The kidnappers!" Konata yelled.

Indeed, they were faced by two Narutos, an Asuka, a Chobit, and a Yoko Littner. They seemed to be a year or two older than Konata.

"Where's my Kagamin!" Konata shouted at them.

"Get 'em, boys!" the first Naruto yelled, and all the kidnappers charged at them. "_Girls_ and boys," the Asuka corrected.

"W-what? Can't we talk about this?" Hiyori gasped.

"Get back, Hiyori! We can handle these punks!" Patrcia yelled, trying to sound confident.

The second Naruto was the fastest; as he charged at Konata, he threw a large haymaker at her. Konata took a step forward and simply nodded her head slightly. It was just an instinct, maybe a faint memory from her martial arts classes long ago. She realized that she had forgotten almost everything about kung fu – or was it jiu jitsu – but images from a wide variety of martial arts anime were running through her mind.

"Whoa!" the second Naruto yelped. His punch had missed, only brushing Konata's ahoge. He had put far too much force behind it, and was seriously unbalanced now.

Konata dived under his arm, turned around lightning-fast, and yelled, "Konohagakure's Most Secret and Sacred Technique!"

"No, not that! Anything but –" the second Naruto yelled. But it was too late already. He felt a pain worse than anything he had ever experienced exploding in his bottom. From down there, the wave of excruciating pain surged through his entire body. He fell flat onto the floor, curled into a ball, and, for the next few minutes, he could only whimper in pain.

"Ewww! I have to wash my hands!" Konata yelled, grimacing as her fingers hurt after taking such a massive stab.

"No time for that, watch out!" Patricia shouted.

The other Naruto charged at Patricia, Yoko and the Chobit at Konata, and Asuka at Hiyori.

Chobit and her Yoko Littner friend weren't obviously familiar with martial arts – or any sort of fighting whatsoever. Yuno slapped at Konata ineffectively, with her eyes closed, and hitting mostly thin air, while Chobit tried to grab Konata's hair.

Patricia rushed ahead and smashed into the first Naruto's chest with her left shoulder ahead, knocking the air off of his lungs. He stumbled onto the second Naruto whimpering onto the floor and fell. There was a crunching sound as he tried to break his fall with his left hand. As he raised his hand and saw her wrist bent into a weird angle, he fainted and collapsed onto the floor.

Patricia covered her eyes. "Ouch. That was painful."

The Asuka coming at Hiyori had taken her shoes off indoors and found out that knee-socks didn't have an ideal traction for this surface. She slipped, and fell down backwards. Hiyori had no time to dodge the dazed girl sliding along the floor, so she landed spread-eagle on top of the cosplayer.

"Whoa! Are you going to strangle her? You Know, the End of Eva–" Konata noted, but was cut short because the Chobit actually managed to grab a hold of her hair.

Hiyori was unable to answer, because Asuka's skirt had been misplaced as she fell and Hiyori had gotten a glimpse of her white G-string. Weakly, Hiyori tried to hold the struggling girl down as blood rushed into her head. A drop of blood, then another, fell onto Asuka, who screamed, turned pale, and fainted.

"Oh. She couldn't stand the sight of blood …" Hiyori muttered. She got off of the unconscious Asuka and started to search for a tissue to plug her nosebleed.

Konata simply put her hand on top of the hand grabbing her hair, and twisted and pulled. The Chobit was unbalanced and stumbled onto the floor. Before she could get up, Konata snatched her bra and pulled it off. Next, she went around the Yoko Littner, who was still flailing blindly at the air, and swiftly unhooked and took off her bra as well.

Konata grinned. All that work at the cosplay café and changing clothes had paid off. "I've got to try that on Kagamin sometime!" she exclaimed.

Both of the girls scurried away, screaming and trying to cover their bare chests.

"But, that was kind of wrong … they should have had Lum costumes!" Konata exclaimed.

"Why, did you want to marry them?" Patricia commented.

"Oo, the harem route! Well … maybe. Kagamin's got to be my first waifu, though."

"Can't you two ever be serious," Hiyori muttered. A fight in real life, something she had never experienced, had left her rather shaken. Although she desperately wanted to write all this down right now.

"Okay. Should we tie those ruffians up?" Konata asked.

"We don't have anything to tie them with," Patricia said.

Konata showed her the bras she was holding. "We could use these?"

"No, you should keep them as trophies."

Hiyori was sitting on top of the Asuka, with tissues stuffed into her nostrils, and scribbling furiously into a notebook. "Thank God this outfit included a notebook!" she gasped. "T-this fight scene …"

"Sorry, Hiyori, but we need to get going."

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They didn't get very far, before a pair of doors at the other end of the hallway opened and three people came out. "There they are!" a man yelled.

There was a man, with messy brown hair, wearing purple overalls, and two women: a blonde with long hair and another with short blue hair. All were wearing blue aprons. "That's Legendary Girl A! … and two others, whoever they are. Get 'em!" the man shouted.

"Crap, these are adults! I'm not sure whether I can beat that big guy," Konata gasped.

The adults started walking towards them, taking their time. "Surrender and nobody gets hurt!" one of the women said.

Quickly, Patricia turned around, bent down and pulled her skirt up, exposing her blue and white striped panties.

The man's eyes widened and he took a sharp breath. "M-miss! W-w-what are you doing!" he gasped.

All of a sudden, Hiyori remembered one of the accessories she was carrying. She pulled out the handcuffs. Before the stunned man could react, she and Konata had grabbed his arms and cuffed his hands behind his back. The man turned around, lost his balance, and fell onto the floor, taking most of the hit onto his posterior part.

The women were momentarily frozen – the one with short blue hair was blushing brightly and staring at Patricia's panties with bulging eyes, while panting heavily.

The blonde woman's jaw fell open and she glared at the other woman in disgust. "W-what are you …? So _that's_ why you've been checking me out all the time! Disgusting! You pervert! You _fujoshi!_ …we even went to the public baths together! I've been spoilt! Nobody's going to marry me!" she groaned.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but technically, she's not a _fujoshi …"_ Hiyori corrected.

The disgusted clerk only glanced at Hiyori, jumped at the distracted now-out-of-the-closet clerk, wrestled her down, and attempted to strangle her. "… damn it, you're probably just enjoying this!" she groaned.

"That ought to keep them busy for a while. Let's go," Konata noted.

"Good thing he was Japanese. For an American, I would've had to flash my tits," Patricia noted.

Hiyori gasped, took another tissue from her pocket and pressed it onto her nose. "I'm going to bleed to death before this night is over …" she mumbled.

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"A-ha! You must be the main villain!" Konata shouted.

Behind the doors, they had found several offices, one of which had the lights on. Inside was a lone black-haired man, wearing a red cap and a green jacket, standing behind a table, and staring at them in disbelief.

"You … destroyed all of them …" he gasped.

"What? How do you know?" Patricia asked.

"I have the security camera screens here … wait, I don't need to explain anything to you! You are … guilty of breaking and entering! And assault and battery! And Legendary Girl A, unless you do what I say, I will … call the police!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. You kidnapped my girl!" Konata shouted.

"No, I didn't! … I didn't force her!"

"Well, we thought it was a real kidnapping. And your minions attacked us, not the other way around!" Patricia yelled.

"Yeah, I've got all the evidence here!" Hiyori shouted, and waved her notebook in the air.

"Hiyori, I don't think drawings and scripts are valid evidence …" Patricia noted.

"The security tapes are," Konata said. "Now, give me my Kagamin back!"

"No unless you buy from these circles tomorrow!" Meito Anizawa exclaimed, and slammed a paper onto the table.

They walked closer and saw that it was another map of Comiket, with several red markings.

"Oh! It _was_ about the Legend! I was right! You thought that if Legendary Girl A buys your merchandise, it becomes popular," Hiyori said.

"Even if that was true …" Konata muttered. "It wouldn't do any good. They would have to be doujins I like, obviously? Otherwise, the magic has no effect."

Meito Anizawa slumped onto the chair. "I didn't think of that …"

He banged his knuckles onto the table and hung his head down. "Okay. I get it. It doesn't work … I have failed … I'm sorry …"

"I want Kagami," Konata said.

"She's there. In the west wing. And really, we didn't kidnap her. I paid her to stay here. I didn't tell her why …"

Konata turned around and ran off.

Patricia and Hiyori looked at each other, then at the beaten businessman.

"Here are the keys, by the way," Hiyori said, and placed them onto the table. "For the handcuffs. I presume you call your minions off? They won't attack us again?"

Anizawa just nodded.

"Since we are here, I guess we'll wait till morning … hey, Patty-chan! Do you know what this means?" Hiyori said, her expression brightening.

"We are in! We don't have to wait in the line!" Patricia yelled. "Thanks, fella! I guess we can forgive you."

Anizawa glared at them and hung his head down again.

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"Kagamin! My horsey!" Konata screamed, and charged at Kagami.

"Reindeer!" Kagami had time to correct, before Konata tackled her into a bear hug, almost lifting her beloved reindeer into the air.

"I missed my horsey so much!" Konata yelled, loosened her grip somewhat, and rubbed her cheek into Kagami's face.

"It's reindeer! And let me go!" Kagami groaned, but Konata clung even tighter onto her. Kagami took a step back, stumbled on something, and fell backwards. They landed onto a pile of Christmas presents, with Konata on top. They were just empty cardboard boxes, which gave way under them and formed a soft surface, almost like a futon.

Konata snuggled against Kagami's chest. She struggled for a while, then gave up, and let Konata to stay there. After waiting so long with nothing to do, she felt completely exhausted.

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Kagami whispered.

"… saving my Kagamin …"

"Saving me? From what?"

"Ahh … saving me a late Christmas present … my Kagamin …" Konata sighed contentedly.

"Konata? Can we go home now?" Kagami muttered.

"What kind of panties reindeer wear …?"

"You don't make any sense."

"We must have you saddled up … for taming …"

Kagami raised her head and looked. There was a huge grin on Konata's cute sleeping face.

"How can anyone fall asleep that fast?" Kagami whispered. _"She looks so happy and peaceful … and cute … I can't wake her up … we've been up all night, no wonder she's tired …"_

Kagami yawned.

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It felt so cozy and comfortable, and someone warm and fuzzy was snuggled up against her.

If only there had not been those annoying flashes of light, and the muttering and murmuring, as well as gasps of "ooh", "aah", and "kawaii".

Kagami opened her eyes slightly and saw a crowd of hundreds of otaku ogling at them and taking pictures. She screamed and started to shake Konata awake.

"I feel bad for them, maybe we should have woken them up," Hiyori muttered. They were standing on the balcony above.

Patricia peeked over her shoulder. "But now you've got a full sketchbook and a ton of ideas for doujins. And … can you blame all those otaku?"

"No … that's totally expected," Hiyori sighed.

The sight of two high school girls, one in a Santa outfit and one in a reindeer outfit, snuggled together, sleeping under a Christmas tree.

* * *

There's an awesome picture of Santa outfit Haruhi trying to ride a reindeer outfit Mikuru; you can find it with google picture search with keywords reindeer, cosplay, haruhi. Mikuru's outfit in it is exactly the same Kagami was wearing in this story.

The kidnapping stories they were reminiscing were from Azumanga Daioh. I guess I don't watch much anime or manga which have kidnapping.

Candy canes. Deliciously lickable. (Naughty Hiyori!)

Konohagakure's Most Secret and Sacred Technique = One Thousand Years of Death. Kancho. You know. (And I haven't watched Naruto at all.)

So why did Hiyori want to see Patricia's panties? Since I'm not adding any chapters to this, I guess I'll tell you. The truth is that she was trying to cure her nosebleeds by staring at Patricia's panties. It didn't work, yet – she needs more practice. With many other peoples' panties, if possible. (The _real_ truth is, probably, that Hiyori just wants to see panties.)

Oh, thanks, MS Word. Of course I mean "bellowed" when I try to write "beloved". Though, Kagami could well have bellowed at that point :)


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